HOW TO FIX A RELATIONSHIP:  Be LOVE Attract LOVE

“All relationships reveal what we need to heal in ourselves. Harmonious passion? Nothing to heal. Conflict, suffering? Much to heal.”

 

The woman who honors herself will be honored by others.  So if you did not honor yourself in the last relationship you were in, be it with a lover, spouse, child, parents, friends, etc., you will find yourself not honored back.

 

I will focus on romantic sexual relationships here, but everything that is said holds true for any type of relationship. 

The acronym LOVE describes the steps to achieve a happy love life.  Find them below. 

 

LOVE Yourself.  If you feel you did not honor yourself in a relationship, that you gave away your love too easily or without value for it, you probably will find your love was cast aside very easily. 

 

Earning something raises the self esteem of the individual that earned it.   This is so important in all relationships.  If you want someone to respect you, you need to show them the respect of setting personal boundaries. 

Then when intimacy is earned, it feels like something of value was attained.  This in turn raises the self esteem of the individual that attained this prized accomplishment. 

The person that earned the reward of intimacy feels valuable.     

Even in the area of parent child relationships, a child must be shown boundaries, how to earn what he or she wants, so he or she feels valuable.  If not, the child will grow up with low self esteem and begin to act out as a cry to be valued.   

 

 

In a dating context this flows as follows.

 

1. Creating a situation where sexual intimacy is earned, versus given instantly.  Earning sexual intimacy means both parties have to demonstrate (not just say) they are committed, consistent and continuous in their accountability to the other party.       
   
2. Setting boundaries about personal intimacy such as revealing where you live to the other person before you know them well enough.  So for example If you do not want to reveal where you live to a new person you are dating, then choose a location close to where you live, that is convenient for you to meet your date outside of your home.
3. Not allowing your date to enter your home at the end of the date, until you are certain he has earned the right and privilege of such invitation.  Entering your home is a “green” light to get sexually intimate with you.
4. Including you in his or her life.
5. Buying you gifts, flowers, doing favors for you, including you in his or her plans.
6. Making planned outings and putting effort into the “getting to know you” process. 
   
7. Calling you regularly.  Not leaving you hanging.  Being transparent.

 

So after you meet a potential partner for the first time you need to ascertain how much effort he is putting into getting to “win” you over.  If he puts little into this process, then he does not value you.

 

Very simple.

 

You will be valued as much as he has invested value in you.

 

OPEN when VALUED.  A woman that opens her heart (sexual intimacy) before the man has given of himself adequately runs the risk of continuously losing at the game of love.  Why? 

 

Because a man (or anyone) can only value that which was paid, worked, hunted, or invested in to attain.  A person can only value that which you value.  This is a basic rule of life.

 

If a person gives away what they have to offer gratis, they do not place value on it. 

 

If they do not value their offering, why would anyone else? 

 

If a woman does this right, ie, really values herself, what she wants, her opinions, comfort, and emotional security and health, she will no longer have problems attracting a relationship or remaining in one peacefully.

 

VIBRATE LOVE versus DRAMA:  HOW TO FIX A RELATIONSHIP. 

 

A woman will resort to anger, tantrums and drama, symptoms of feeling powerless, when she does not love or value herself.   

 

She can only feel powerFUL when she takes the time to:

 

1. Create a happy, clean and orderly home.
2. Adequately providing for her financial and material needs.
3. Finding work she loves and is doing it.
4. Taking care of her body and other personal needs.
5. Expressing excellent self care and self esteem.
   

 

An unhappy woman cannot attract a happy relationship.

 

A relationship will bring out your deepest fears, insecurities and troubled self (shadow self, dark side, etc.) faster than any other mirror ever will.

 

So, if you are in a dysfunctional relationship you need to clean up the relationship you have with yourself first.  Make it functional and all relationships around you will function better.

 

EMBRACE conflict.  The elements of conflict in a relationship are areas you need to address in yourself, not the other person. 

 

Here are some examples:

 

1. With an addict?   You are a “fixer.”  Address your need to “fix” another to take attention off your troubled self. 
2. With a cheater?  You feel unlovable.  Address your need to WIN love from someone as if you were not loveable in the first place. 
3. With a controller?  You are the child.  Address your need to take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
4. With a stingy person?  You are stingy.  Address your need to give yourself what you want and need.

 

When you give yourself what you want and need, you heal from an addictive, co-dependent need to be in the relationship to get what you do not have, yearn to get from your partner and complain your partner is not giving you.

 

You awaken your ability to truly love yourself and then another unconditionally.  Your relationship with self and others then becomes

 

PEACEFUL

 

You ascend.

 

You are then able to choose to stay in or leave the relationship

 

VERSUS

 

Being held there because of dysfunctional unrequited needs of personal self-fulfillment.

 

You ascend from need to LOVE and now can enjoy all the benefits LOVE can offer you. 

 

HOW TO FIX A RELATIONSHIP:  Be LOVE Attract LOVE.